January 2021: Questionable Advice

My wife tends to get pretty blue after Christmas, like many of us. Do you have any ideas for ways to cheer her up?
—David

Sure. Five things guaranteed to chase away her post-Christmas blues: a late Christmas just between the two of you, some soft music, a little champagne, assurances that she is the best thing that could ever possibly have happened to you, and a small velvet box.

I was recently given an antique rug by a family member. It’s important to her, and I want to keep it safe. The problem is that I have a kitten, and I’m worried he’ll tear it up. How can I protect the rug without covering it up?

Katrina

So many ways to save the rug. The first is to trade in Felix for a nice tortoise. Another method, surround the rug with orange peels, but you have to enjoy drying, curling orange peels scattered about your floor.

Another is for you to keep vigilant with a gentle water pistol, and every time Tabby approaches the rug, a quick squirt at his sweet paws, but of course this approach does mean you have to never leave the area of the rug and you must stay armed 24/7. Lastly, and this plan is tried and true and everyone does it, alert the family that whenever sis arrives in the driveway, you will scream, “GET THE RUG. SHE’S COMING IN!” You put Kittypoo into a nice bedroom, put the rug down, and all sit calm and smiling.

The videogames my 15-year-old son plays aren’t usually a problem, but I’ve noticed that he becomes irritable and withdrawn (more than usual) after playing them for a while. He’s not rude, but I just want to make sure he comes back to the “real world” when it’s time to stop. Any advice?

—Susan

Yep. When you’re all out at the movies some night, your house is robbed, but weirdly all that was taken were the video games. Perplexed, the police can offer no explanations, and the case is never solved.

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